Ice cream for FHE

(the children outside before night)

My favorite time of the day is dusk.
Mr. Nielson and I took the children to get ice cream in the dusk.
We all hopped in the car.
We had fish for dinner.
The fish is still on the table right now at 12:30 in the morning.
The food and all dishes are on my table as well.
I pooped out of gas after returning home from lunch with my siblings and Mom.
Mr. Nielson took the children boating while I turned up my music and cleaned...
trying to heavy clean.
But I am not the chipper, sassy, cleaning fool that I used to be.
In fact this is what is like:

Pick up 3 items off the floor.
Go into the kitchen for snack.
Load 6 dishes in the opened dishwasher and wipe the table down.
Sit down in on the kitchen stool.
Then I take the towel and dust the windowsills, and wipe down the floorboards.
Take a towel in the laundry room and while I was at it, i do a load of whites.
I fold the clothes from the dryer.
Sit down in the laundry room near the computer.
Checked my e-mail, take a rest.
Put away the ironing board, take out the broom.
Sweep kitchen.
Get a drink of water and string cheese.
Get out clean towel out and wipe down the fridgerater, oven, and microwave.
Get mail. Read mail for 1/2.
Sit down and mentally rearrange some things.
Get drink of water, load 3 more dishes.
Answer cell phone, talk while I wipe down the sinks in the kitchen.
Rest.

(Mr. Nielson loading us all up in the car. Straight ho to get ice cream)

Call it good for today.
Cry from pain.
Loving all the space I am making!
Hop into the car after FHE and get ice cream.

Happy Birthday Andrew!

29 here I come.

This is my birthday cake.
Woe.
Hold the phone, take a long look again.
Is that so beautiful or what?
And it was sooo scrumpdiliumptious.
Megan brought it over and presented to me in Sweet Tooth Fairy fashion.
And it brought a tear to my eye and a smile to my face.
But, lets back up.
****
I actually turned 29 in the hospital- in the exact same place I was born in.
The ER docs and nurses made me a card and sent me home to enjoy my day.
(Nothing too urgent to have to spend my special day in-thanks Dr S. Katie...and Jill)
I slept in until 10:00.
Mr. Nielson had made my favorite for breakfast-french toast and you bet I reminded
everyone I didn't have to do anything (make anyone food, dress, or wipe any bums)
on my special day.
****
Then I met with my hero. Elder Holland.
We talked and he blessed me with more strength to keep living-keep fighting and praying.
It was what I needed, and all I wanted for my birthday.
****
I took a looong nap and had a lovely dessert party at my parents home with my brothers and sisters. They sang for me, and oohed and ahhed at my new special neck.

(Dad, Mom, Jane, Claire, Me, and Christian in Provo, Ut
EmersonMade flower pin)

Thank you to my sweet husband for writing a blog for me and giving me the opportunity to read sweet notes from you. I am overwhelmed. I love you all.
****
I also received boxes of the prettiest of pretties from EmersonMade. A beautiful shop. Emerson and her charming husband make gorgeous hand dyed and stitched accessories.
I wore a beautiful Blue blossom to try and hide my hideous neck...didn't work.
Check out the site, the photographs are beautiful. You will fall in love- I am warning you! But just know, if you do order something they ship in the most beautiful yellow boxes.
Very charming.
EmersonMade has just started her own clothing line, and darnit, I want just about all of it.

Birthday Girl

It's Stephanie's birthday today! So, I've hacked her blog and opened the comments for you to leave a birthday wish for my wife.

Sweetheart, I love you. You make me so happy. Remember yesterday when we drove all through the night from AZ to UT and laughed all the way. Remember we watched the sun come up over the mountains and steaming streams while our babies slept soundly in the back seats. Remember we came home and took a long nap together while the kids trashed the house. I've never loved you more and thankfully there are loads more birthdays to come! Plus, you make beautiful children...thanks for those little critters. You are an inspiration to me. I love you so much.



The good news is she is back home in Utah to celebrate it. The bad news is she's not feeling well, and back at the hospital. Please feel free to leave a little comment for the birthday girl...she's been through a lot in just 29 years.

Sorry can't write...sick again.

(Me,Lucy,Court,Page. Picture for Mom for her birthday)

Feeling sick again.
I miss my sisters.

Ollie-lightyear and GrandMary

Ollie woke up at 6:45 a.m.
Ollie has been doing sound effects all day long.
Cars crashing, explosives, airplanes, transformers, Buzz Lightyear and some Jedi.
Now it is 11:42 p.m. and all I hear is his snoring.
Tonight before bed, my mind has been pondering upon the day and all I can remember is Ollie's sound effects...and Nic screaming and the girls fighting,
...oh and Mr. Nielson watching the World Cup.
But mostly just the noise of a little boy who is really happy.
And that makes me feel like a good mother.
But really all the credit should go to GrandMary who feeds
and takes care of my children day in and day out.

Tonight, GrandMary picked up her own daughter at the airport.
(Mr. Nielson's sister, Elizabeth).
Liz lives in California with her cute as a button son William and husband Dave.
And now, a special letter:

Dear Liz,
I am sorry your Mom was really sleepy and couldn't keep her eyes open to talk to you tonight. She is totally busy being Mom to my kids. I think she made about 3 diffrent breakfast's at different times of the day, picked up like 4 times, and broke up like 10 fights with Claire and Jane. We are leaving on Saturday.
Then you can have her all to yourself, as it should be. Love, Stephanie

(Grandmary being pulled by Nic)

Dr. L and a Dr. M.

I had a check-up appointment with Dr. L. and sweet Dr. M. Both highly skilled Mayo doctors.
(I feel sooo lucky)
Dr. L is very loud and often time's nurses will come into my room to make sure everything is OK. Most likely he is singing me some opera or something. Dr. M just rolls his eyes and then when Dr. L. puts his hands up in the air and says to me:
"Your like my 13 year old daughter, so whiny, I can't-YOU do it"
Then is pushes the scissors to Dr. M. who sweetly accepts and begins taking out my 500 million stitches which span my face and back side.
That's just how we roll. And I like it.
Then Dr L. got really mad because my hair kept getting in the way of my wounds and he again, put his hands up and looked at Mr. Nielson and said:
"Can you do something about this...this forest? (meaning my hair)
Mr. Nielson helps me sweep it back for Dr. L. to do his thing.
After Dr. L. leaves I pull out 10 pieces of my own long hair and put it all over his chair and instrument table.
It was sweet.
It's always a experience there at the clinic.
And I will always love you Dr. L. and you know that.
****
And lastly a letter to my friend:

Hi sweet friend Bianca-
I think you are so funny.
I love the sweater you gave me, like a lot.
I am watching the world cup...go Donovan ;) then I think about you.
I hope that is OK.

Kisses,
Stephanie

A love story

(My necklace which says "I love Christian".
Thanks to Erin at the Vintage Pearl I can have beautiful jewelry to wear).

Today was much much better.
I think my strength is coming back.
I got really crazy and asked Mr. Nielson to take me in the car bound for Jamba Juice.
A Orange Dream Machine was in order
(just for your information, ODM is the best Jamba ever made)
I hadn't been out for more than a month, and being in the car and feeling the heat warm up my cold bones actually felt pretty good. Just like old times, the boys snoozing in the back seat and me and Me and Mr. Nielson searching the radio back and forth and talking about how we are going to ban the ugliness of the internet from our pure and innocent children.
****
Did you know that I have seaweed plastered on my neck used as a dressing for healing. Well I do. Do any of you know how seaweed smells. Well, I will tell you. Seaweed smells like pooh.
So, in reality, it is as if a freshly pooped diaper is taped to my neck.
For 3 days I couldn't eat. I was so sick. I threw-up and got really sick.
It was scary there for a little while.
One night as I was bawling my eyes out, I saw in my pillow case the shape of a heart. As a result, it softened my heart, and all of a sudden I felt love. I then heard the Lord explain to me he was aware of my heart. He knew how I felt. And after that moment, I was prompted to find some good advice and my tears stopped. I put it together and promised I would shape up.
Mr. Nielson is my patient companion who has been with me through it all.
All in all, I felt like a thirsty plant in need of water.
Which I got, and it perked me right up.
****
Now I will tell you a story:

One night, I woke up in the hospital and I looked over and Mr. Nielson was gone. I lost it and punched my nurse button over and over again in a frantic search for my husband.
My sweet nurse came in with an adavan. I didn't want the darn pill, I wanted my husband.
And then she began the story...
She told me that after my 14 hour surgery in May Mr. Nielson stayed in my hospital room the whole time. No breaks, food, or calls. He sat in my room with a nervous heart and tears in his eyes. She told me that after I was put in my room, he never left my side in case I would wake up and talk with him day after day. It was now mid June and after another surgery he felt confidant he could go home and get some rest, assuming I'd sleep the night through with the lingering anesthesia.

(the famous call button in the hospital)

My nurse by this time was tearing up.
She said to me that she has never seen that kind of love and dedication
in her 20 years plus of nursing. Ever.
She brushed my hair to the side and put down the adavan on the
table and went to check on another patient.
I broke down in tears. Oh how much I loved my sweet husband.
I tried to pull it together and I called him. It was 2:00 am.
"Honey, hi, where are you" I said my voice audibly shaking.
"Oh, I needed to sleep in my bed tonight, but planned on coming in first thing in the morning"
He answered back.
"Are you OK? Do you need me to come back? I will-right now-"
His sweet voice assuring me on the phone.
Then I broke down and the tears came as I curled up in a ball in the hospital room.
I let him go back to his sleep. And that night was the worst night I had ever had. And no adavan or any amount of IV fentanyl
(and if you have had that, you might think I was crazy, that stuff is gooood)
could have helped me feel better about the emotions I was feeling that night.
I love that man of mine. His loyalty is remarkable.
Now we share our bed again. His arm (which was surgically worked on) and my neck (also surgically worked on) situated so that only our feet touch, when we lie down in bed at night. Call me crazy but to me that is like we are totally making out.
He is my love.


Me plus Mr. Nielson equals these for beauties.

The End.
****
Would you like your house featured in a magazine? Woe. I would. Lucky for both of us, I get to be in this magazine too. It should be fun. Go here for the details.
****
Alice Lane and I are doing a little project together. Check out this store, it is amazing.
More on that later.

Just a bunch of thoughts and a tummy ache.

(Packing up and heading home)

I left the burn unit where I lived in room 11 for the most part of my 1 month stay.
I have a hate/love relationship with it there.
But when I walk the halls (searching for any amount of exercise)I feel loved.
I feel so accepted. I actually was scared to come back home into the "real world" where people stare at me and wonder.
I have looked bad, and then worse during this big ordeal,
and never once did I feel it in the hospital. And if I did, it never lasted.
Plus there are no mirrors in the burn unit. (so I never knew what I looked like)
Nothing like I do now.
My sweet children are not sure what to make of my new chin and horrific scaring.
****
This morning I had a rendezvous bout with a upset stomach. I am not kidding. I have had some pretty crappy stomach aches and I have had 3 natural childbirths and even those couldn't compare with today's episode. And I never got relief.
For a complete 30 minutes.
I begged Mr. Nielson to kill me. (but not really, mom)
My kids stood in the background frightened.
I am sure my in-laws think I am a drama mama.
I cried and Mr. Nielson picked me up and off we went for the car to the hospital.
I saw myself in the burn unit hooked up to all the machines including a feeding tube and then I threw up- everywhere. I stood in the 1 million degree heat outside with little fire ants biting my toes and heaved over and over again on my in-laws front lawn.
It was sweet.
I felt better. But not completely.
I napped for 3 hours. I am a mess.
And then the thoughts started to flood my mind.
****
I missed my house in Utah.
Reports from home say all the flowers I planted in my front lawn are up and beautiful.
I miss the mountains.
I miss my sisters and parents.
I miss everyone there...even the grumpy neighbors and their new wheelchair access in the front.
I thought about my parents moving to St. Louis. I have got to get better and home before they leave. All I want to do is climb in between them in bed and let my Dad's fan blow on us while he passes out a taffy or two from his nightstand and Mom rubs my back.
****
This year will be the last one for me in my twenties.
My 29th birthday is approaching.
Am I ready for 30?
****
And finally, tonight when I kissed my boys in bed,
Ollie asked me where I got the Olives today.
I couldn't understand what he was talking about. Olives? What? I didn't eat any olives today.
I thought long and hard and saw his confusion mixed with drowsiness,
and finally his little eyes closed.
"Ollie" I said "Where did you see me eating olives?"
"It was in your throw-up"
I startled him as I laughed out loud.
"Honey, those were blueberries" I told him
"Oh" he said, and just like that went off to dreamland.
****
This is what is keeping me sane.

They will come.

"Some blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven; but for those who embrace the gospel of Jesus Christ, they come."
-Jeffrey R. Holland


I need to hear that right now.
I have cried so much in the past few days
I can't remember what I am doing.


Talk found here.

Going...Going...Gone!

Released!

I will share details tomorrow.
As for now, I want to thank you all so much for the support!

From room 11

(Nurse Katie giving me a bath)

I am writing in my hospital bed from room 11.
My skin graphs are healing as is my new neck.
It comes with a price to pay.
Pain, discomfort, and hardship everyday.
Tomorrow will welcome 6 days short of my one month stay here
in the Maricopa Burn Center.
I may be bias, but the nurses and doctors here are the very best. THE BEST!

Dr. L. and I text each other when I get bored and want to bug him.
It goes like this:
me: Where are u? I hurt.
Dr. L: I am at a Bat Mitzvah
me: A what? R u Jewish? Do u wear a Jewish cap when you go?
Dr. L: No we are token Catholics.
me: sweet.
Dr. L: I will come in and visit you tomorrow
me: I want to go home
Dr. L: I already knew that.
me: OK, carry on.
Dr. L: I will see you tomorrow

And then I take a nap.
I miss my children more than any word could describe.
I think about them every spare minute I can.
They are not allowed in the Burn Unit, so all I can do is think about
Claire's freckles, Jane's blue blue eyes, Ollie's smile and Nicholas' cheeks.
Mr. Nielson visits me everyday and brings me in food.
My hope is that I can come home today, but doctor L. will have to check me out to be sure.
Cross your fingers and say your prayers.

Thanks for the support I love you all

-Nie.

A little message

(My new neck....wow, what have I done? Dr. L. swears it will look normal one day.
Can you believe that my new neck was my back?)

Hi friends, its me Nie.
I am sane enough to blog now...I think.
I will catch you all on Monday. Have a fabulous Sunday.
I am still here on the burn unit.
Blogging from the Burn unit. Sounds catchy.
Kisses to all of you!
I still need your prayers.

-nie.

P.S. Nie and you is up to date.
Whew. Now, no rude comments.
Carry on.

Weekend Plans

Each night after kissing my sweetheart goodnight and tucking her in bed (and hoping she sleeps well), I walk out to the car in the hot mid-night air and always look back and see this...

I think about how the people inside this building are going to take care of my wife and help her be comfortable and help her heal, all through the night until I return in the morning. The helicopter reminds me of that day when...

I'll be back here bright and early in the morning for some surgery on my arm and face. Maybe in recovery I'll share a room with my sweetheart for the weekend in Hotel Copa...watching the World Cup.

Enjoy your weekend!

Love, Mr. Nielson

A Bad Sign

Although a cute picture, I couldn't resist capturing it after midnight when I got home. It's not a good sign when your children look like this when you get home.



I've been missing putting them to bed myself these last few weeks. Thanks Grandmary.
Looking forward to getting back to normal.

A Few Shutter-Seconds of Today

It's starting to get hot...really hot. This was at 7:00pm...night time! Stephanie is going to die when she goes outside for the first time in weeks.

"Hi Mom...how are you feeling today? When are you coming home?"

Watching the classics: Tom & Jerry from 1938.

Thinking about laughing out loud as the cat cracks all his teeth.

One size, fits none hospital pants. Signed by nurses and family. Need to get Dr. L on there.

Stephanie's surgery went well today, as we expected. We are hoping to have her home soon. But probably not before I have a little work done myself. I guess it's my turn in the OR.

P.S. - Killed 1 (sometimes 2) scorpions every night this week...yesssss.

Tube Feeding

So the surgery has been postponed until Tuesday, which means another 24 hours of anxiety and another night yummy tube feedings.

It kind of looks like Jamba Juice straight up...but I doubt it smells or tastes as sweet. There's a reason they send it straight to your tummy. In any case it is helping Stephanie heal.

But if it's sweet tasty treats you want...Smeeks is the place.

Checkout a few clips from the Matthew Mead photo shoot last week. Seriously, check out Gigs' classic shot whenever he makes eye contact with a camera.

Glow In The Dark Bugs

Every Summer at Grandmary's house there are visitors...besides us. I've been killing these pests for years...since I was a little kid. They are a way of life here in AZ, unfortunately.

Last night I passed on the tradition of scorpion hunting to my girls. Essentially it takes a black light, a rod, and a little night fright guts. I need to rid the house of these critters before Stephanie gets released from the hospital.

My sweetheart will be having another "touch-up" surgery Monday morning. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

Characters

Last night I noticed the children playing around Grandmary's house. Where do they get this stuff?

Oliver was some kind of underpants magician. Nicholas was a British Punk-rocker. Claire was Diana Barry and Jane was Anne Shirley from GG. They crack me up.

Stephanie continues to heal. We are starting to set goals now for a release date...stay tuned.

Love, Mr. Nielson

Kisses From The Crew

Today we had a splendid morning photo shoot with Matthew Mead and company at Smeeks. Despite not having Nie there to get wardrobe, kids collected, and coordinate everything...amazingly it worked out. Special thanks to Linda, Georganne, and Lindsay J.

Claire, Nic, Jane, Ollie, Cal, Jack

Later, I found myself inviting the Joneses and all 8 children out to lunch after the shoot. Is that what mom's do with their friends and their kids during the day? Holy cow that was hard! But fun too.

I brought kisses from each child to Stephanie tonight...including one from this fish. She was sleeping soundly and comfortable all evening. Let's hope that continues until morning. Sweet dreams darling.

Love, Mr. Nielson

This Dude Wears Aviators

Stephanie had another surgery today...(seems like I've said that a lot the last couple of years)

Everything went well, but they had to re-do some stuff on her neck.
Even though she usually sleeps through the balance of the day, after a morning of surgery, I can't help but want to be in the room with her, sitting in my special chair by her bed. I like to listen to her breath and imagine all the amazing healing that is taking place throughout her body while she sleeps.
She's peaceful and calm...no pain...no worries...just healing.
Stephanie has a gift to heal.

She also has a gift to make beautiful babies...like this one here.

p.s. new post at Cuisine Nie!