28 years

Today I turn 28.
I am blessed to have this birthday since I was this close to not getting there.
My dear friends at the Sweet Tooth Fairy are celebrating with me, and you can too!

Also Brooke is joining the fun. Go here for her tasty idea.



I love you all.

Kisses,
Nie.

Denali and mail.

My handsome brother-in-law Vance
(who I SWORE I was going to marry when I was 7) climbed Denali.
He did it.

(Vance & climber Dave on the top)

Thanks to Yvonne in Alaska and Vance, I was there in spirit.

* * * *

I am doing just fine, thank you.
I am going to be back into blogging here soon. My goal is to blog every other day until I can return my regular daily posting. Boy am I feeling good or what!
Plus, I have been super busy.
Some of my major accomplishments include:

*Opening jam jar lids (and pen lids and chap stick lids)
*Running
*Touching my toes
*Not crying in the shower

and the biggie:

*Riding my cruiser!

Blessed days!

My sincere thanks to all of you for the delightful e-mails, pretty letters of love & support, packages, OH the packages!! I only wish I could personally thank you all, I will someday. I just want you to know I love your support and prayers.
I really do.
The mailbox and my inbox are two of my favorite spots!

Kisses!

Mud Cake Caper

One hundred and thirteen said the scale today I was beyond happy.
But I still need to gain.
Brooke from Conversations with a cupcake offered to create me the most delicious chocolate masterpiece to help the numbers rise and my behind to bubble.
How on this good green earth could I refuse?
Brace yourself, here it is:

It looks mouth-watering I know.
Go here for the recipe.

Love

Tonight after the scrumptious dinner Mr. Nielson cooked, I lay my tired bones on the couch.
I was had. I had been going all day it seemed like (but not really, it just felt that way) so Mr. Nielson put on my old running mix on the ipod to listen too as my pain meds kicked in. It was kind of sad to hear it and associate my healthy, happy body with the mix.

It was pumping me up for running again someday not too far off, I hope?

My children were all spread out in the family room reading books, making airplane noises and laughing. It was a delight. Usually after dinner I am the one cleaning up and missing out on my children being content with full bellies and happy hearts after a full day of playing.

I suggest every mother relish that time...dishes can wait-seriously.

Jane jumped on the couch next to me and began talking. That chickie has a mouth. Woah! She talks and talks and talks. I love it, but sometimes its so fast I can't even understand her. (I feel for you Dad, I know what you mean about her) She was describing the big thing she wanted to do with me tomorrow.
"Painting, no coloring, no wait Mom...do you have glitter we have to have glitter all different colors and popsicle sticks and those fuzzy things that make those cool things on the butterfly heads..."
I didn't mean to, but I tuned her out for a few minutes because there out my window was Mr. Nielson. He was in his white shirt and jeans watering the flowers. He stood on the front porch, behind him dark thunder clouds gathering and the wind ever so slightly blowing his blonde hair. I had complete and utter love for that man. Partly lustful too. (I can say that) My heart swelled big and I couldn't take my eyes off him. Ohhh how I love him! How I need him!

My mind wandered to the crash. Mr. Nielson saved my life. He opened the airplane door which was on fire, cleared a path for me breaking his toe and his back. It was heroic and knightly. He was motivated by love. He found his way to safety and looked back only to realize I was not following. His heart sank. He ran around to the other side of the plane just in time for it to go up in flames. He yelled and screamed my name over and over and I his...we just couldn't get to each other.

I did get out and followed his path.

My love for him is not of this world. It can't be broken by anything, not by and worldly ideas of what love is. Not by death. Nothing. Love is Godly, God is love. And we are his children. Our bond will carry us to the eternities and beyond. It's not cheesy, it's truth.

Mr. Nielson just happened to turn to the window and give his trademark smile to me on the couch. I think he knew I was thinking of him.

And Jane still continued to talk to me about making a picture of the day and one of the night. Then she asked what I was going to color and I told her:


"daddy".

Becoming Stephanie

My appointment at the Burn Clinic today was actually quite eventful. The good news just kept coming. Dr. Carla said everything "pretty good" and Walter (who looks just like Lance Armstrong) the PT said he was very impressed by my burns. I mean, not that my burns are impressive by any means, but you know, I mean the coloring looks good and pink. Ann my therapist said she could see a significant difference in my countenance. I was happy.

Mr. Nielson took a day off and went fishing with my brothers. I was so happy to release him from his daderly duties for some fun in nature. I missed him at my side though-especially since today was a "happy consult".

Mother came with me instead. We talked about angels, family, children's names, hope, and other things Mom's and daughters talk about including how I hurt when I wake up in the morning. Cindy (my mum) asked me when I was going to post a picture of me on the blog. I said never. But I will, it is after all me.

So here are my eyes.

I had a simple glimpse of me coming back. I get to create a new "me" whatever that entails. It hasn't been easy having to reinvent myself. I have (and still do) mourn for Stephanie. Where did she go? Now I look in the mirror and see someone else, but it's still me. It's...well...weird. I have to learn to be me again. I have to accept and hope. And I should stop saying "should" and replace that with "get". I GET to have a second chance at life. I get to enjoy my children even if my fingers don't work. I get to change the way I look at life and how I can somehow help someone else in need.

And best of all, I get to have my husband. He is still him and I am still me and we still can and are creating the same love we had before. I may becoming a different Stephanie, but it's still me.

What an honor.

Oh what a night.

Last night Mr. Nielson tucked me into bed after we watched:
Man vs Wild with special guest Will Ferrell. (We laughed really hard.) and all was well. Pain was under control and love was in the air-until I smelled something else in the air...Jimmy. Jimmy smelled so bad all night long. Even worse, Jimmy lay directly in the path of our fan
{which we endearingly call "The Mayor" after my Dad-because he wouldn't be caught dead without a fan blowing on him at night}
So every 3 minutes I would hear pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst.
You and I know just exactly what that means..I know you do. Immediately the fan would carry the stench directly to me. I would gasp and I almost passed out.
Was someone making bacon?
Anyway, the smell lasted far too long and I couldn't take it any longer. I nudged Mr. Nielson and asked (begged) him to please take the Jimmy out. Mr. Nielson mumbled and pulled himself out of bed to let Jimmy out.
Mr. Nielson stepped on an exposed stinky diaper that Jimmy dug out of the garbage.
The smell was a good combination of Gigs and Jimmy flarties.
Mr. Nielson said a bad word and kicked the dog out the door.
Mr. Nielson cleaned his foot and came back to bed in a mad terror.
I pretended I was asleep.
The next 45 minutes while Jimmy was outside, he barked and barked as loud as he could.
I was dying.
I looked at my peaceful sleeping husband and then I woke him up-I had too.
"Christian, Jimmy is barking" I said very calmly.
20 minutes of persuading Mr. Nielson to bring Jimmy back in he finally, in a very, very tired rage he pushed the covers off and huffed out of our cozy bed.
Mr. Nielson remembered about the stinky diaper he stepped on just minutes before and cringed. With Jimmy barking, poop on the floor Mr. Nielson went into the bathroom for cleaning supplies then he tripped on the bathroom stool.
Mr. Nielson picked up the stool and threw it into the laundry room.
Mr. Nielson said some special words {he picked up while living in New Jersey }to describe his feelings.
Mr. Nielson vacuumed the bedroom, threw away the stink, and calmed the dog.
I pretended I was asleep.


I love Mr. Nielson.

Peonies

Katie came to my door early this afternoon carrying a beautiful bouquet of home-grown peonies. Instant happiness. She was on her way for an afternoon of basking in the sun and swimming. Doctors told me to stay away from the sun for almost 2 years.
That's crap!
That's all I will say about that.

This morning, like every morning I lay in bed waiting for the pain to subside enough to get my bones moving. (God bless pain meds) As I wait, I also highly anticipate the sun to grace her beauty in my window. And finally the apple tree outside my bedroom window begins to glow and that means she's here. This morning sun poked her head over the mountain at approximately 8:34. (I asked Mr. Nielson the time) I love that feeling.

{Here is Mr. Nielson upon his arrival from the hospital. He certainly is enjoying the sun.
photo: Chup}

My personal yoga instructor Laura arrived this morning for our daily session. My body is finding her way back. Scar tissue has really invaded most of the 83% of my body that was burned. Twisting and moving hurts so good.

After the session, Mr. Nielson whipped on his Wranglers and made me toast with an egg-over easy. It was cowboy style.
He still is my personal cowboy.

A visit from Aunt Karen cheered me up considerably. We talked about our plan to go to visit her Washington Island. I am secretly hoping that a water front home will magically come up for sale and I will somehow talk Mr. Nielson into buying it for me with all that magical money we will have after finding it buried in a pirate chest in the sand.
And then I will plant my own home-grown peonies.

Speaking of Washington...congrats to Leone (just like Peonie but with a "P" of course) and Stephen for welcoming baby Beck.
Beck and Besty were born on the same day...a double aunt am I!