Beauty

Today I decided it was time to get out.
Last time I decided that, Courtney took me to this place and I was never the same. Oh the frosting, oh the delicate vanilla love. My favorite is defiantly one called
"vanilla squared". I told Court I think they should name it vaNIElla squared because I can guarantee I will single-handedly keep that cupcake selection going.
{oh I know, I am so funny}

This place also has adorable cake-plates (if you are suspecting something, do. I am dropping a very direct hint to Mr. Nielson for Mothers Day {May 10th}) The one I like looks like a chandelier {the large size....Woooo I had to get that off my chest...go get one and tell em' Nie sent you. I don't know why, just do}.

Anyway, Page dropped by my house today with Vivian in tow. I mentioned the cupcakes and before you could say "I like vanilla cupcakes" we were in the car headed that-a-way.
After I got home, I decided to look around my house. I love beautiful things. I love to surround myself with things that radiate happiness and beauty. Jane came home from school one day with a large branch of cherry blossoms. The colors were vibrant and gorgeous. Simple things like that allow me to feel special, happy, loved, and most of all... my favorite... feminine.
We are women of a God who delights in his daughters to feel beautiful and adored. Whatever that is to you personally, don't let it go undone. It is in you safe and warm and no one can take that away from you...no one.

Even though I feel down about my looks here and there, I still feel it. The God-like beauty is there and a plane crash can't take that away.
I am fortunate to have a husband who gets it. He thrives on it. He expects it.
He deserves it.
And
so
do
We.

Words I live by.

Surgery is over...for now. Doctors want me back to do the second part of this skin release-on my neck in a few days. For now, I am home and resting. I have a vac-pump hooked to my neck. I have to carry it around everywhere I go. If I just pretend it is my new baby, it seems OK. (whatever gets me through...right?!)
This morning I awoke to rain. It was a beautiful sight. Green is creeping its way up to the mountains behind the house.
Mr. Nielson made me usual oatmeal/flax breakfast accompanied by orange juice and brown cow yogurt (granola on top) It is what gets me up in the morning.
Oliver brings my pills with water. He has for the past 3 weeks made sure I have my pills. He has taken on this responsibility without knowing it. It is sub-consciously his roll in this interrupted life we lead each day. Somethings I can always count on: Mr. Nielson, family, the sun coming up, prayer and Ollie bringing me pills.
Tonight at dinner, I watched sister Lucy walk around the house. Her baby moves a lot inside her little tummy causing Lucy to feel rather uncomfortable.
I wished I were her.

Lucy holding Gigs Thanksgiving day 2008
A new baby, a new life coming her way. She has much to look forward too and little to worry about. I then thought about my cousin Katie, who just had a new beautiful baby girl-Penelope. I became excited for her as she gets to embark on life with a daughter.
I realized I was again, feeling sorry for myself.

I sat down by Dad with tears in my eyes. Without me having to say anything, he looked me straight in the eyes and said
"Everything is under control, don't you worry, it is all under control"
Then I felt better.
Somebody is controlling this.
I am not alone.
This is my life and my test.

Dad and Oliver Easter eve 2008

Someday I will be pregnant again, someday I will love the way I look, someday I will be able to use my legs and play on the floor with my kids, someday I will wear my old clothes, sleep, dance, hold a baby, snuggle Mr. Nielson until he screams, make my bed, pray on my knees because:

Everything is under control.

thanks Dad.

Up for more

Back to surgery my friends.
Under the knife.
Out cold.
Heavily sedated
...and all other words to describe another round of classic surgery.
You know the drill.
I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for everything you have done?

There, in my own poor handwriting even.
Now you know I mean it
(I had to ask Ollie to take the lid off the pen)
See you soon.
Pray for me.
Will you?
Really?
Promise?
Now, lets virtually spit in our hands, and call it a deal.

his and hers

Here, you see our silicone mask's Mr. Nielson and I wear right before bed.
They are sooooooooooooooooo sexy.
Mr. Nielson puts his on first then gently puts mine on.
A nightly ritual which brings constant laughter until we peaceful
f
a
l
l
off to sleep.

Where is 'Lil Nie?

NIE HAS BEEN FOUND!!! I REPEAT, NIE HAS BEEN FOUND!!

FOUND!!

a letter of praise

Dear Blue Man Group,

I would like to thank you dearly for hosting the Clark family recently at your exciting show.
Many kisses to you.

(brother Matt and his wife Katy (who itches my back whenever I ask her) in Vegas)

Easter afternoon

Easter brought sunshine, and homemade baskets. I stayed up late gluing fake grass, flowers, and dainty birds onto the children's baskets. I was proud of myself. Another milestone for me...I am coming back, I am returning. It feels so good.

And last, but not least.
Here I am.
And Mr. Nielson

I decided to dress up for the Easter holiday. I went to church, ate peeps, chocolate, and cheese potatoes. It was a classic Sunday afternoon.

Nie: on being alone

Lying on my bed tonight I type to the sound of the dryer pounding away. My room is musty. Mr. Nielson just bathed Jimmy tonight and he is now curled up near my side of the bed drying.
He stinks.

I returned home from another day at the hospital. My burn therapists and doctor examined my body like it were a piece of meat. Jabbing poking, peeling and smelling my wounds. My doctor spoke of my upcoming surgery in two weeks.
That news hurts my ears.
During the examination my eyes would sneak from my doctor to Mr. Nielson sitting near the bed I was laying on. He was there and that was all that mattered. I felt comfort in knowing he was there to help me make hard decisions and care for me the way I needed. I would never be alone with him near by. You know how sometimes you can be in a room with a million people and yet feel so alone. Never with My Mr. Nielson. And that is how it should be.
We are really good for eachother.
Sometimes we say the exact same things at the same time, like today we both said mouthwatering at the same exact time. Who says that word (besides a commercial for shrimp or something like that) let alone at the same time!?
It's awesome.

I got a plate of homemade oreo cookies today. It was a beautiful treat and they were delicious. My cousin Katie brought her famous chocolate/chocolate cookies yesterday. Another beautiful moment. But best of all, I got a hand-written note from her and him...my favorite second cousin and one of my beloved friends announced their engagement. Very exciting. I hope I am invited to the wedding
(I'll come to NYC, I will!! on a train though)

Now, the children are in bed. It's my turn.
My mind will now reflect on life before me as I lay in the dark. I will think about my upcoming surgery. I will think about how I may be down for weeks. Burns are a very difficult balance. Just when you think you are making steps forward you take some back while you are at it. It makes me nervous thinking that all this progress I have made will have been for nothing being laid up with more surgery. But I am reminded and tenderly assured that I am not alone.
That is truth beyond measure.

I remember as our plane violently crashed to the ground, I tucked my head down on my knees and prayed. I was not alone then. I felt rather calm in a very troubled moment which seemed to last forever. The plane whistled fast downward and in my head I saw my children. I saw them laughing and smiling. It was touching in such a dramatic time yet another peaceful reminder that I was not alone then, and certainly not now.
I am grateful for my relationship with my Maker. He has preserved my life, given me a second chance and presented me with new challenges that I am ready to face here on this beautiful earth. All that I am is for my children and for my husband but espcially to my Father in heaven. I am trying to live selfless in a selfish world and it is hard, espcially when I'm the one with the problems.
I feel your thoughts and prayers and I certainly know I am never, ever alone.
Thank you.